Are Boundaries Necessary?
Living without boundaries for the comfort and convenience of others is a coping strategy that shifts when you realize you deserve boundaries just as much as others.
What does it mean to live without boundaries?
It means you do not hold boundaries for yourself and your time. You are willing to put your needs and to-do list aside to be available to other people. You are also willing to give up sleep, enjoying a meal, even spending time with your family if someone asks you to help them out in some way.
This may seem like a good thing because being GENEROUS WITH YOUR TIME and ENERGY to HELP and SUPPORT OTHERS is a GOOD THING. The problem is when it comes at your expense and when it’s for the…
COMFORT and CONVENIENCE of others because
You are NOT responsible for the comfort and convenience of others.
When you jump to soothe the emotional state of someone else, that is for their comfort and convenience.
When you jump into another person’s chaos to rescue them from the chaos they created in the first place, that is for their comfort and convenience.
When you push aside your own needs to meet the needs of someone else who could meet their own needs, that is for their comfort and convenience.
And, this pattern of living without boundaries for the comfort and convenience of others is a
COPING STRATEGY
You learned at a very early age that if you were quick to take care of others, life felt a bit safer and more secure.
For most of you, one or both of your parents were demanding in many ways. Your parent, or parents, expected you to drop what you were doing when they wanted something. They often had angry and emotional outbursts that you were told to tip toe around and be a “good kid” so no one gets upset.
This coping pattern served you well and now it no longer serves you because you are healing and drawing healthier, more mutual relationships into your life, which brings us to the shift you are in the process of making as you recognize you deserve boundaries for your time and energy too.
If you are on a healing journey of examining your past and releasing trauma and resolving relationship wounds, there will come a time when you will begin to value yourself as much as you value others.
When that shift happens, you will no longer struggle with fear or guilt when you hold and honor boundaries for yourself.
Boundaries for yourself include:
to whom and what you give your time and energy
giving yourself space to rest and restore
being clear on what and to whom you say yes and no to
no longer defending your choices or explaining yourself
deciding what words, actions, people, and energy get to have access to you and which do not
Boundaries when done well connect you more deeply with whom and what you love most. They are the tools you use to support yourself in staying in alignment with your values and how you want to show up in the world.
For more on boundaries and relationships, especially with challenging family members, hit that subscribe button or send me a private message to see how working with me will transform how you relate to yourself and others.