Default Patterns and Resolutions
We all set resolutions and we all fail to achieve those resolutions BUT WE DON'T REALIZE WHY--Default patterns are to blame and I explain it all while sharing my own struggle in this issue
I failed at weight loss
I failed at creating less energy drain by saying yes to myself more
I failed at daily exercise
I failed at using less intense language (shit!)
I failed because I came into my goal or resolution with the wrong motive and energy.
First of all, I believed there was something wrong with me that could be fixed by externally controlling something. This is a default pattern—I will get to that in a bit. My goal was built upon a false belief that I am faulty or bad or not doing enough AND that the answer was to change my “not enoughness” with doing more or being someone I am not.
Sorry, that simply isn’t going to work.
Second, the goal was missing the point because it sat on the surface of my life. Here’s what I mean…
I was only addressing the symptom, while ignoring the why.
Goal: I am going to lose 20 pounds because all experts say my weight is too high and if I don’t lose weight, there will be dire consequences, therefore I must lose the weight.
Problem: I haven’t even asked myself the question if I have an issue with my weight. I have only listened to the “experts” and then shamed myself instead of finding what is true for me and my body. This is a default pattern—yes, more on default patterns in a bit.
Let’s take one more example.
Goal: I am going to say yes to myself first and others can wait so that I feel less drained and taken advantage of.
Problem: I haven’t dove deep into—here it is again—my default patterns so I have no idea where exactly the energy drain is coming from. Instead, I jump from one ditch—others first no matter what—to the other ditch—me first no matter what—and this leaves me feeling worse than before.
Goals and resolutions are not successful if they are done on the surface addressing symptoms only. What does create success with goals and resolutions is knowing your WHY and becoming acutely aware of your own default patterns.
Okay, here we go…finally!…on default patterns
What are default patterns?
Default patterns are the behaviors you learned through modeling and trial and error that keep you the safest emotionally and physically as you move throughout your world. Default patterns help you cope with the drama and energy of others. Default patterns are familiar and help you go on autopilot to get through overwhelm and fear.
This all means default patterns really don’t serve you well overall, and especially when you want to change something in your life.
Let’s return to the examples I gave above and add in the WHY and the DEFAULT PATTERN awareness.
Weight loss: The why is because I don’t feel good at this weight. I don’t move as easily. I find myself dreading any kind of movement. I am unhappy with how I feel in my body as it is.
The default pattern is to pull out what the experts tell me will help me lose weight because I have learned trusting my inner voice is not safe. I have been taught to ignore that inner knowing because if I could be trusted, I wouldn’t be overweight to begin with.
That’s heavy! No pun intended!
I break through the default pattern by asking myself what is true for me. What do I enjoy eating? What kind of movement makes me happy? Is it best for me to go for a number on the scale or how I feel in my body?
Breaking the default pattern moves me into a different energy where I am trusting I know what’s best for my body.
This doesn’t mean I throw out the experts. It means I gather what resonates with my inner knowing and use what the experts say as guidance, but not as gospel that their way is the only way. I am the only one who lives in this body so I am ultimately the only one who knows how to care for this body.
How about energy drain? Jumping to a new ditch just trades one problem for another, yet, this is a default pattern many of us have. If this isn’t working, let’s jump as far away from that as possible and hope for the best.
Once again, this lacks trust in your inner knowing.
Your why needs to explore what will more energy give me and why are these relationships and commitments draining me. Your why needs to be grounded in what will bring you energy when you pull that person or commitment closer into you.
This is the step that when you are courageous enough to engage with it will support you in reaching your goals every single time. I am showing you how in a free workshop. The details are below.
A final thought…
You are not alone! This is a very human reaction. Your goal is to consciously create a human response that honors your own inner wisdom. It was a huge leap for me to move from trusting everyone and everything outside of me to trusting all I needed was within me. My default pattern is to always look outside of myself for answers because I was taught I could not be trusted. God knows best. Doctors know best. Parents know best. Gurus know best.
Actually, I know best…FOR ME! And therein lies the key. I don’t know best for you. I support you in knowing what’s best for you. I help you hear your inner voice. It is a violation for me to tell you what to do. This is uncomfortable at first, and it’s still uncomfortable at times. Some days I would rather the Universe or one of my coaches would just hand me the steps and tell me what to do. However, that is the way back into misery.
Workshop Details
I put three powerful life hacks, including boundaries, spotting default patterns, and eliminating draining commitments and relationships together into a free one-hour workshop where you will LEARN and PUT TO USE these life hacks all within that hour.
I will take you from exhaustion, frustration, and overwhelm with your life, relationships and goals
TO...
focused, calm, and hopeful.
What we will cover in the workshop:
1. How to identify where your time and energy is going and why
2. How your energy and time leaks land you in default energy patterns because you have activated survival mode in your brain
3. How to stop the energy and time leaks while channeling more time and energy back into what and who you love through the power of boundaries done right
You have two opportunities to join me for this essential workshop, Wednesday January 11th at noon CST or Saturday January 14th at 9am CST. You deserve this time for yourself! Click here to register