Emotions 101
Emotions are confusing and emotional management is a mystery. In this issue, you will find why we detach from emotions, how to build a relationship with your emotions, and a bonus training on triggers
Emotions and managing emotions is in the top three requested topics for support I receive. I think this is because most of us were raised to either STUFF our emotions down ignoring what we felt or we were raised to believe emotions CONTROL us. Either way, this makes for extreme confusion and a lot of chaos in relationships.
PART 1: Why you are detached from your emotions
Your story holds the clues to your relationships with your emotions. It always goes back to your story. The family you were raised within and the culture you were raised within matter. I am amazed at how so many people still operate according to the belief that the past is the past.
That couldn’t be further from the truth!
The past shapes your present in many ways, and you can choose to have it shape your present less by bringing awareness to your story and how it shapes you. When it comes to emotions, start with these questions to expand your awareness:
What was modeled for you when it came to emotions as you were growing up? How did the adults in your life manage their emotions? How did the adults in your life expect you to manage your emotions?
What labels and words were used when it came to emotions? Did you hear words like “drama” or “cry baby” or “anger is bad” or “just be happy”?
What unspoken messages were implied concerning emotions? This means what did you fear would happen if you expressed your emotions, what was expected of you that you just knew without being told.
PART 2: How to build a healthier relationship with your emotions
Almost everyone needs to begin with giving themselves permission to FEEL and EXPLORE their emotions more. Most of us were taught to move directly to judgment when we were feeling anything negative or positive, and that is what creates confusion and detachment from your emotions and your needs. Judgment of whatever you are feeling moves you directly into either stuffing the emotion or feeling controlled by the emotion so that your actions feel out of your control.
Curiosity is the way through AND the way to break the pattern of judging your emotions.
Get curious about why you are feeling what you are feeling by pausing to recognize you are having an emotion rise and wonder what is underneath or attached to that emotion.
Three ways to shift from curiosity to judgment with your emotions are:
Start to see your emotions as clues or guides to where you need to pay attention and what you need to give yourself or where you need more personal reflection and growth.
Remember, emotions only hold the power you give to them. If you give emotions the power to control your actions, your actions will feel out-of-control. If you give your emotions no recognition at all, they will build up within you until you explode. If you practice seeing your emotions as clues or guides, your emotions become empowering tools of healing and growth.
Practice not categorizing emotions. We tend to send emotions into two categories, GOOD or BAD. This categorizing of emotions is the first step of judgment and judgment creates detachment. Instead of labeling an emotion in any way, go straight to curiosity and ask what is this emotion trying to show me.
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In the Upleveled area this month, I have created an exclusive mini-training on Emotions and Triggers because we tend to use the word “trigger” as an emotion or a verb and that is not helpful. It leads to more of the detachment that circles you back into the binary options of stuff the emotion or explode with that emotion.
In this mini-training and reflection guide, I share with you the difference between emotions and triggers plus what to do when you feel triggered. Click the Uplevel button to access the bonus training and reflection guide.
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