How to Feel Hope When Family Disappoints and Frustrates You

You are correct. Your family may never choose to change and that your opportunity to shift your perspective.

Does any of this sound familiar? Most likely you will resonate on some level because these quotes are taken directly from private messages I have received from women wondering if I can help them with their most challenging of family relationships.

• “All I want is for my mom to support me and not tell me how to do everything better.” ~adult daughter, married with 2 children

• “I feel like my sister [or brother, as I have heard both] is always one-upping me and I just want to have fun and enjoy being around her instead of on edge worrying what zinger is coming next.” ~39-year-old woman, divorced with 3 children

• “My father-in-law always launches into politics. It makes me uncomfortable because it leads to arguments. I keep thinking, ‘can’t we just talk about life?’” ~29-year-old newlywed woman

When I receive these messages, I always reply asking what is the one thing they want to change in their relationship with a parent/in-law, sibling, or adult child.

I would like to ask you the same because if you are reading this, there is most likely something you want to change in a relationship with a family member. Leave a comment and tell me what it is you would like to see change in that relationship.

It’s frustrating to experience the same cycle of interaction with a family member when you know that cycle leads to criticism or attack of you or another family member and/or it leads to conflict.

You want to believe family means something and yet the very people you believe should love you the most and have your back and accept you for who you are seem to also be the same people who hurt, disappoint, and frustrate you the most.

There is a way to release that hurt, disappointment, and frustration while also limiting the hurt, disappointment, and frustration in the future.

Photo by Paola Chaaya on Unsplash

The concept of family comes loaded with expectations and those expectations show up in your language like this:

• They SHOULD…

• If they COULD just…

• WHY can’t they…

• If only the WOULD…

The shoulds, woulds, coulds, and whys are where your expectations around family lie.

When you become aware of your own expectations around how family should behave and show up for one another, you will begin to break the cycle of disappointment, frustration, and pain. This is because when you are aware of what you are hoping for, you can open up the space for what is actually possible.

For support on identifying the shoulds, woulds, coulds, and whys, head on over to my private membership group the YOU Aligned Community or click the subscribe button and uplevel your subscription for access to an exercise that will take you through the process of how to identify, track, and shift the shoulds, woulds, coulds, and whys.