How to Master Your Boundaries in 3 Steps
In this issue: why most people are frustrated with boundaries, why most approaches to boundaries don't work, and what does it all have to do with what I am calling "Boundary Season"
Do you feel like your boundaries are effective? Do people actually listen to your boundaries and then honor your boundaries? Or do you feel like setting boundaries is an endless struggle that you often give up on?
Most likely you struggles with boundaries and it is simply not your fault.
I have said this before and I will keep saying it until I reach as many people as I can: You can’t do boundaries from a place of resistance and expect them to work!!!
So, what is the solution to boundaries that work?
Before I share that, I want you to check out this short video of how one woman thought I was crazy with my proven 3-step approach to making your boundaries work every time, AND she took a chance and gave it a try. Long story short, she couldn’t hire me fast enough.
This client used my 3-step approach not just in this situation, but over and over again in other relationships and areas of her life. It works and it changes how you feel about yourself and your relationships because you feel like you have a voice and that you are in control of your life and how you are treated by others.
What is my 3- step approach?
Here is a brief overview based on what most people get wrong about boundaries. To learn the three steps and how to implement them into your life, I have opened up a limited number of Master Your Boundaries coaching packages that guide you through the process in just 3 sessions. Click to schedule a conversation with me about how to get started.
The number one reason your boundaries aren’t working is because you don’t know where you need boundaries. Sounds crazy, right? Let me ask you this…
When do you think about boundaries? Before or after you need a boundary?
If you are being honest with yourself, you probably think about boundaries once you have felt uncomfortable or pushed in some way by another person’s actions or words.
This is NOT a time to set a boundary because you are setting the boundary from the energy of resistance. You are attempting to change their behavior because you don’t like how their words or actions feel.
The time to think about boundaries is BEFORE you need a boundary and that is why how I approach boundaries is completely different than what you have tried before. It is proactive and it’s based on your needs versus mitigating the behavior and words of others.
The second reason your boundaries are not working is because you are focusing your energy on what you do or do not want the other person to do or say instead of asking yourself this question:
WHAT KIND OF RELATIONSHIP DO I WANT WITH THIS PERSON?
Or, asked another way…
WHAT OUTCOME DO I DESIRE?
Most of the time, you are simply reacting to the behavior or words of another person when you set a boundary.
It’s a fear-response of, “you can’t treat me that way!” or “why do they think they can behave that way?”
When you take the time to consider what it is you really want, the boundary is about being proactive and being an advocate for yourself.
Continuing to struggle to make your boundaries work will make you question:
Yourself
Your relationships
Your purpose in your relationships
This is why step 3 is more than just creating the boundary. It is about the energy with which you create the boundary. When your boundaries are consistently crossed, you feel like you and your needs don’t matter to the people who are supposed to care about you.
Yes, you could keep going with the traditional approach to boundaries…
You tell them what you don’t want them to do or say and then wait to see if they do it and when they do you get upset and start all over again.
That simply doesn’t sound like a good plan to advocate for yourself, your needs, and your relationships.
Step 3 is where you flip how you do boundaries from a place of resisting to willingness. Instead of telling someone what they cannot do or say, you get to decide what you are willing to do when they do or say what isn’t supportive of you and your connection with them.
Isn’t it time for you to drop the struggle?
I take you from boundary frustration to boundary confidence as I guide you in learning and implementing my proven 3-step approach to mastering boundaries.
In only 3 private coaching sessions for less than $500, I take you from boundary frustration to boundary confidence as I guide you in learning and implementing my proven 3-step approach to mastering boundaries. Click to schedule a quick chat with me to see if the Master Your Boundaries coaching package is the right fit for you.
And, here’s one more big tip when it comes to boundaries…
Always expect people to NOT honor your boundaries.
I know, that seems like a cynical approach, and here is why this is important to your boundaries working.
Not everyone is wired like you which means not everyone will understand your need for your specific boundaries. We tend to believe everyone is just like us, especially when it comes to what seem like “normal” boundaries.
The truth is you can soar through what makes me feel triggered and vice versa because our stories are unique from one another. Always expecting people to NOT honor your boundaries actually sets you up for successfully boundaries. Seriously, it does!