The Biggest Reason You Need to Heal Your Relationship with Your Mom
It's amazing how a less-than-healthy relationship with a parent/inlaw, sibling, or adult child can affect your entire life AND how your entire life can shift when you begin to heal that relationship.
A mom of two toddlers and business owner went ALL IN on healing her relationship with herself SO THAT she could form better relationships with her family and the rewards were amazing!
She is now at peace with herself, trusting her gut to guide her on everything from what is her next right step for her business to how to calm temper tantrums with her children to making time for who and what she loves most.
She is confident in setting and honoring her boundaries, especially with her parents and in-laws, because she knows how to make her boundaries work.
She is happier and more present as a mom and wife, making not only date nights a priority, she makes disconnecting from the world at 6pm most days a priority so family connection becomes the only focus for her, her husband, and their children.
This is NOT where she started and when I tell you how she got there, you are going to be shocked because “all in” is definitely NOT what you are thinking it means.
This exhausted mama came into my DMs with this message:
“I am losing my mind. I don’t know how to do any of it. My children are out-of-control and refuse to listen. My business is suffering. I am crying at the smallest things. I feel so much anger at my mom. I am not sure where to turn and a friend said I should talk to you. I am ready to try anything. I mean it. Anything to make me feel like myself again so I don’t feel like I am failing everyone.”
As we messaged back and forth, two things became very clear to me.
She wasn’t sure it was okay to give herself the time she needed to invest in herself and shift out of the overwhelm she found herself in.
The relationship that was at the core of all her struggles was her relationship with her mom. Every time she interacted with her mom, everything else fell apart because she wasn’t recognizing how those interactions brought on anger, hurt, and frustration that seeped into her parenting, her marriage, and her business.
Her first step was to schedule a strategy session with me because she wasn’t even sure if coaching was her next step. In that session, we sorted through all the overwhelm and created a plan for her to move forward and it didn’t mean hours invested in herself away from who and what she loved most. It meant very focused commitment to setting aside small stretches of time all to herself, which also meant she wanted ongoing check-ins with me instead of intense sessions.
And her relationship with her mom?
We began there because my client could see how every interaction with her mom set off a series of events beginning with her own emotions and rippling into her day, her time with her kids and husband, and her friends and business.
With focus and reflection, my client began to connect the dots to how she had changed her way of feeling valuable in all other areas of her life, but interacting with her mom brought her right back into her old pattern of “the more I do/give and the more agreeable I am doing/giving, the more I am valued and loved.”
As she became more aware of the pattern, she was able to shift that pattern both when she interacted with her mom and where it still lingered in her other relationships.
How did she do all this as a busy mom of two toddlers running her own business and trying to stay connected with her husband and friends in a meaningful and nurturing way?
She joined the YOU Aligned membership as a coaching level member and that created a schedule and accountability for her to focus on herself 30-60 minutes per week and over time, that led to the huge changes she created for herself. Once she got into the habit of blocking those 30-60 minutes per week and had ways through the membership to structure that time for reflection and practicing new skills, she took off in her transformation. It was truly a privilege to watch. She dove deep into honoring her need for quiet and reflection. She scheduled one power coaching session each month with me. She attended group coaching session as often as she could. And then one day, she realized she had created the life she longed for.
No, it isn’t a perfect life. She still has days she struggles. And, on days when her mom reaches out to her, she drops into a group coaching session or asks for support in the membership group or sends me a message because this is NOT a journey to do alone. When you are changing out old and dysfunctional ways of relating to your parents/inlaws, siblings, or adult children, you need people in your life who understand and can support you and call out where you are dropping back into that old, familiar pattern. You need their love and cheering on.
It’s amazing to me how when a woman commits to herself and her healing, she can shift everything so quickly when she goes ALL IN at the level and pace that works for her and her life. That is what this client did and she is thriving.
What does ALL IN look like for you in your life and relationships? What family relationship is sending you into that crazy-making space and that is leading to other areas of your life falling apart?
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