The Second Rule of Dysfunctional Families is You NEED to be the Version of You THEY are Comfortable With
Dysfunctional systems--including family systems--unconsciously shape you into the person needed to maintain the most sense of stability and normalcy possible, even if it's toxic
You may think that you were allowed to be yourself in your family. You may also feel there was something not quite right when you did fully express yourself.
Feeling like you needed to control or ignore your own emotions is shaping you into the person your family is most comfortable with.
Feeling pressured to go along with one person’s choices and preferences all the time is shaping you into the person your family is most comfortable with.
Feeling like you had to put your own needs aside to meet the needs of others, or feeling like your needs were mocked or ignored, is shaping you into the person your family is most comfortable with.
The challenge is this all feels familiar to you. This is your normal. That means what feels normal and familiar is not often recognized as dysfunctional and toxic.
Part of your healing journey is to reclaim yourself.
Reclaim your voice.
Reclaim honoring your own needs.
Reclaim how you process emotions.
Reclaim how you express yourself.
Reclaim what makes you happy and brings you joy.
Reclaim what brings you peace.
Reclaim your very personality and essence.
The first step to reclaiming yourself is to recognize all the ways you were expected to be a different version or an editing version of yourself. Start where you were told to be quiet and it will open up a whole new awareness of how you were shaped for the comfort of others.
The second step to reclaiming yourself is being yourself. This is scary AF when you first start trying out being your authentic self, even if it is with friends and other family where you feel safe. It was not safe for you to be you, so now you need to build a sense of safety from within yourself where you know that you’ve got your back no matter what comes your way. It’s allowing others to be themselves in all their amazingness AND dysfunction while allowing the same for yourself. It’s taking all the compassion you have given to others and now giving yourself compassion.
This is not an easy journey, and yet every one who embarks on this journey has zero regrets. Take the first step. Linger there until you are ready to start taking baby steps into the second step. And, join me in my private Facebook group for support with every step.
Click here to read Part 1 of this 4-part series: The First Rule of Dysfunctional Families is We Don’t Talk About the Dysfunction
Note: This is for thought-provoking and entertainment purposes only. My writing is meant to open up perspectives so you can see yourself and others through the lens of our common humanity. Take what serves you and leave the rest behind.