Three Tools for Handling Trigger Moments
Triggers or trigger moments? whichever words you choose tools are required, HUGE NEWS!!!, and I opened up 3 private one-on-one coaching spots just for you
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In the last issue of YOU Aligned Reflections, I shared the term “trigger moment” and defined it as: Trigger moments are unique to you and are basically your past popping into your present unexpectedly. They are a moment when you feel caught by surprise and your body reacts and your emotions overflow in some way.
As I shared in that issue, the word “trigger” has become a buzzword in our culture and in my opinion is overused and used inappropriately. When this happens, I like to get very clear on what I am talking about so that you know what I am talking about. For this article, let’s agree on the term “trigger moment” and the definition above.
Now, the question becomes…what the heck do you do with a trigger moment???
During a trigger moment, there are so many options for calming the moment and I will give you this one piece of advice before I share the three tools for trigger moments. When the trigger moment is happening, get into your body as much as possible. Getting into your body could be focusing on your breath or clenching muscle groups or taking a lap around the room. Getting into your body helps to bring your logical brain back into balance with your reactionary part of your brain so you can move back into choosing how you respond.
Now, onto my favorite tools for trigger moments…
These three tools are for AFTER a trigger moment happens so that you can expand your awareness and support yourself in lessening the possibility and impact of future trigger moments.
The most challenging part of a trigger moment, I think, is judgment. Judging yourself for “losing it”. Believing others are judging you for how you reacted. And, when you get locked into that judgment space, you spiral downward further and end up soothing your trigger response with unhealthy choices that work in the moment, but will never help in the long run.
Curiosity is the antidote to judgment.
What was happening around you
What was happening within you
What happened in the past that contributed to this moment
The more information you have, the more resources you create for understanding how you got here and how you can choose differently in the future. This leads to tool #2.
Expand your awareness
This is so key because trigger moments sneak up on us unaware for the most part. It is a moment where the adrenaline surges, emotions flare, and you don't show up as your best self.
The kind of awareness you are expanding here goes deep within. You could become very aware of what others did that led up to your trigger moment and that is good information, BUT that information won't change much for the future because you simply cannot control how they will show up or what they will say or do. You can only control you.
Build upon curiosity by expanding your awareness of what was happening inside of you mentally, emotionally, and physically so that when any of those signs arrive within you, you are more aware of what might be happening. You might be having a trigger moment.
Ultimately your awareness of your own internal process slows everything down in the future to create room for choice over reaction.
The third tool might seem a bit over-the-top, and stay with me because it works every single time to create lasting transformation.
CREATE A VISUAL PATHWAY
What do I mean by that?
Think about working backwards from the trigger moment all the way back to where the reaction formed out of necessity. The further back you can go, the greater your understanding of the trigger moment and how to change it.
To clarify a bit more here is an example from my life:
MY REACTION: I felt anger overwhelming me and my shoulders clenched towards my ears, while I spat out, "All I am good for is cleaning up after other people!"
WHAT HAPPENED: I saw dishes in the sink
MY THOUGHTS: "Why couldn't they put the dishes in the dishwasher NEXT to the sink?"
HOW THAT THOUGHT GOT THERE: I cleaned up before being asked because someone might get angry at the mess
WHAT HAPPENED IN THE PAST: I was expected to clean up physical and emotional messes
Do you see how that works? A trigger moment ALWAYS has an origination point, ALWAYS! It never exists on its own. It has a history. It has a formation. It has a purpose.
When you follow this process, I promise you trigger moments will begin to shift for you. They will happen less often. They will feel less intense. And, you will begin to spot them coming and feel empowered to make a conscious choice instead of getting lost in the reaction.
For more guidance like this and much more, head over to the free YOU Aligned Community membership group on Facebook by clicking here.
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